How to Win at Pool
The women working at the pool halls in the entertainment district are often very tough players, as I have learned through innumerable defeats. Since I am quite competitive myself, I’ve had to come up with a few spe-cial tricks to give me an advantage. To help other unfortunates who may one day find themselves going up against these felt felines, I will share them here.
1. Although the routine may get a bit old, try to stay on the girls’ good side by always bringing treats. Cookies are a can’t miss.
2. Once play begins, ply the damsels with plenty of alcohol while you stick to water. Though experience has shown that booze can inspire wild and unexpected four or five ball runs, it also induces happier, more care-free behavior as you remain sharp and focused.
3. As the night wears on and the drinks keep coming, the level of play be-gins to…drop off, providing you with an invaluable edge.
4. When the inevitable bathroom breaks occur, use the quality time alone to ensure the balls are in favorable positions.
5. But don’t get caught in the act! You will be politely requested to undo your work.
6. Do not be distracted by the scoreboard. Stay with your game. Things will eventually turn around.
7. Finally and most important, always demonstrate good sportsmanship regardless of the outcome.
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